Penis size: The secrets that women just won't tell you - what they really think about penis size!

When the boys have their girlfriends (that's friends as in platonic, not sexual partners) round for a few glasses of wine, what better topic of conversation could there be than penis size and whether or not it really makes a difference?

(All these photos - and thousands more - can be found on Images of Size - a website about penis size. Click here to see it.)

Well, maybe many, but curiosity led me to ask them anyway: three sexually experienced women, who'd had enough sex with enough men to know what they were talking about when it comes to the crunch. So, after a couple of glasses, I recklessly asked them: "Does the size of a man's cock make any difference to you in bed?" And what did I expect to hear? No doubt the old line - "No, it's what you do with it that counts....."

Unfortunately, that was not what we heard. The first, a mature woman of thirty five, looked us straight in the eyes and declared that yes, it certainly did make a difference: the larger the penis, she said, the more powerful the experience. The second, a woman of twenty nine with few inhibitions, told us she'd had a man with a four inch penis and a man with a nine inch penis, and as far as she was concerned, there was no contest: the larger man won hands down in her bed. The third, a younger woman in her early twenties - but no slouch on the sexual front for all that - cast her eyes at the floor and giggled before saying that if it came to a choice she'd definitely prefer a thick cock to a long one.

Oh ho. Bad news for us men, I think. And further investigation was needed. Just how did a bigger penis win over a smaller one? The answer which emerged was this: that when it comes to sex, for a woman, a larger penis provides more feeling. This is especially true, one of the women added, when she is extremely wet and lubricated.

One of our friends went on to explain in more detail. This, she said, is about the physical aspect of sex - the feeling of fullness that a woman perceives to be pleasurable when she's fucked by her partner. It's about the stretching of the vagina in the first two or three inches by a penis of sufficient girth to open her out. Now, in defense of men, at this point she conceded that a woman whose vagina was loose had either not being doing her Kegel exercises to tone up the muscles or had had a terrible experience with childbirth.

But I was still puzzled. The vagina is a virtual space - one that is created when a penis pushes its way in. So how then could a thick penile shaft feel better? Doesn't the vagina open up to accommodate any size of man? The girls put their heads together and came up with the explanation that it was about stimulation - being stretched provided more stimulation, more of a thrill when their man entered them, and - at least for one of them - a frisson of mental excitement, the pure sexual thrill of being impaled on a huge penis.

Now, this was all very well, but it left a few questions unanswered. Top of my list was a query about the G spot. We all know it's only a couple of inches inside a woman's vagina, and it's not very big, so surely a penis of any size can stimulate it as the coronal ridge of the man's penis moves back and forth over the G spot during thrusting?

I have, I must admit, a very average sized penis. But my partner goes into ecstasy when I fuck her with my foreskin gliding back and forth over her G spot. This is not about the physical pleasure of feeling stretched by a big dick - it's about a refinement of technique that leads to immense sexual pleasure. She swears that G spot stimulation is much better for her than the mere pleasure of feeling filled to the limit.....and maybe this is the other part of the equation: the "it's what you do with it" part of the old saying about penis size.

When I checked this out with my current partner (after I'd explained why I was talking about the size of penises to a group of women) she added more clarity to the whole matter. Sex can be a purely physical experience for a woman, just as it can be for a man, but when it is, the lack of emotional connection (love or trust, if you like) means that the physical sensations will be much more important.

But when a woman's in bed with a man she loves, trusts or respects, then things are different. Suddenly, the size of his penis is only one of many more important aspects of lovemaking. The fact that she is letting a man she likes into her body, the fact that he is being caring and tender, or raunchy and sexual, with her, the fact that she has turned him on, the fact that she feels special to him, the fact that she loves him (and maybe he loves her), adds a whole new dimension to lovemaking which centers on the emotional and spiritual connection between the two people, not just the physical sensations of sex. And this is true whether a woman comes during intercourse or not: for her, the act of giving her body to the man she loves can be far more important than the physical sensations of sex or reaching orgasm. (Very few women reach orgasm through intercourse anyway.)

And that makes perfect sense to me. It explains why women will always argue about whether penis size is important, it means that what you do with your penis in a vagina really is more important than how big it is, and it means that men who are less than well-endowed need not fear humiliation when they are with a woman who loves them. When a woman chooses to go to bed with a man because she likes him, his penis is sexually exciting to her whatever its size, just because it is a part of him. That's the beginning, middle, and almost the end of the story. If he wants an orgasm, she has a vagina in which he can come most delightfully and satisfyingly; if she wants an orgasm, well, he has has a tongue and fingers, and she has a clitoris waiting for attention.

But.....there's more. If it is true that women don't really care, then why is size such an issue? Hmm...must be something to do with men, I guess. After all, they're the other ones around when sex happens. Look at it this way: the fear that a man has when he gets into bed with a woman for the first time is that she will find his erect penis inadequate and presumably laugh at its size. But does this ever happen? No. In any case, she's obsessed with the shape of her pussy lips or the size of her breasts. So there's the clue - this penis size thing must be a male issue. That's what gives this issue its potency and its hold over us.

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